my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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