yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
