She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize