no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
