I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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