She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
