Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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