Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
