Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
