Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
