Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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