is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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