Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
