You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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