She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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