The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
