I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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