Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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