ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
