Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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