ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
