You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
