There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You need a sexual gate keeper
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
