I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The best revenge is premature balding
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
3pm strippers are depressing
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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