my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
