It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
