that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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