"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
