so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
if only i could text you this smell
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
