I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
