thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
