he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize