she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
