I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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