There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
