Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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