allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
