I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
