i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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