I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
