Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
