yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
