pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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