New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
