there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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