The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
