I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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