I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
