I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
