YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
