He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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