I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
