I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
