My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
