The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
