I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
