sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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