I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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