By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Randomize
