Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
