Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
