i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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