ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
