Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
