I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
