either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
