Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just high enough for therapy.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
