I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
