I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
