I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
