sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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