batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
