after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
