he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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