we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
