I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
