That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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