So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
not ubering you a puppy
we're so committed to being not committed
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
