you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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