ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So many bounce houses so little time
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
